Mirror, mirror on the wall


Everything we see on the outside is a reflection of us. How we perceive the world mirrors back our ideas, believes, emotions, judgements and expectations. Especially in relationship with others- and not only romantic relationships – we get to see aspects of ourselves. Knowing this is actually the key to changing our entire world.

When we stand in front of the mirror getting dressed in the morning and we are not happy with the look of a jean or t-shirt for example, what do we do? Put on a new one, right. Immediately what we see in the mirror has changed and we go to work feeling comfortable with what we are wearing. Now imagine these clothes are everything we are “wearing” on the inside. If we do not like something another person is doing this is just a reflection of something we have in ourselves. The fact that we do not like it in others probably also shows that we do not like it in ourselves.

This is the crux to why most of us rather will point at the external problems than look within themselves for the solution. Other than swapping one shirt for the other and getting on with life changing character traits of ourselves is a confronting process. When we do not like a particular item of clothing we do not really need to work out what we do not like about it and we have the choice to get a new one. However, since our reactions to the outside world are reflections to something that is presently a part of us we cannot really run away from it. If we swap a red shirt for a white one the world is not suddenly going to be filled with red shirts everywhere for us to see to drive us mad.

Yet, with our limiting beliefs, judgements, fears, fixed ideas about the world and expectations it is just like that. The more we try to avoid them the more they are going to pop up everywhere. Also, they are much more likely to be deeply rooted in our present consciousness whereas shirts and jeans do not tend to be that hard to get rid off.

Let us say for example, I held the belief that “I’m not good enough, I won’t achieve what I want to and other people are more powerful, successful and stronger than I am”. With this mindset I run around feeling small, worthless, needy and I am going to attract those situations to me that only confirm the image I already have of myself. I will meet people at work who are strong, dominant, and opinionated. Their big personalities take up so much space that there is no room for someone else to exist next to them, let alone speak up and be present as well. Now, I have a choice:

If I was not aware that these “bullies” at work just mirrored back what I think of myself I would react. Maybe emotionally, or I would withdraw in fear, getting only smaller and smaller, or with anger bursting out tantrums, sitting at my desk stewing and resenting my work and everyone around me, drawing attention to me with a bad attitude.

However, maybe I have read this blog, heard it somewhere else, or already have already experienced that these people are actually pointing at something inside of me. With this insight I would then have the freedom of responding to the situation. Even thought it takes more effort and courage to face my own demons nothing will give me more freedom than this process. I might recognize that there is a part of me that is afraid of being small, of not succeeding in this world and of not being good enough. Once I know my fears and my thoughts I can look at the behaviour they demand. So, when I am at work and I actually do have something valuable to say do I take a chance to say it anyways or do I let my fears hold me back only to then blame it on the other person for not allowing me to speak up?

Maybe I have identified that yes, I do keep quite out of fear. Let us go back for a second to the scenario of swapping clothes. What do you do if you want to put on a new pair of jeans? Think about it? Try with your mental or telepathic skills to communicate with the black trouser to get out of the drawer to come over to you and replace the one you are currently wearing, or do you actually take action? Meaning you walk over to the shelf, pick out the one you like and put it on. See, changing old believes is no different. We actually need to change the way we act. In the previous example it would be speaking up when it is right to do so and acting with integrity and honesty to establish an inner sense of worthiness and self-esteem. With this the outside world will suddenly change because our belief system and experience of the external shifted.

This might all sound very easy and yet it is a process that does take time. What tends to happen a lot is that we move into a mode of “should not”. We might start to be aware of our fears and insecurities and we get the idea we should not have them, should know better and should be able to do this and that. What do we create with this kind of attitude? Only more conflict.

First we are in conflict we the external because we do not like what we experience and then we are in conflict with ourselves because we reject exactly that, that created our present reality in the first place. Do you know what a child does if it is told it should not and it cannot and it must not and it has to? In my experience, depending on the child, they break out in tantrums, do the very thing they are not supposed to even more or they start to ignore you and withdraw. The same thing happens inside of you when you tell yourselves all these Dont’s.

In order to change we have to foster an environment of love, kindness and acceptance within ourselves. Instead of seeing our fears and rejecting and hating them we can allow them to be there. Now that we know what actions they would normally propel us to take, we can mindfully act differently while we allow the fear, the demons to still be there. By giving it the space it needs and not ignoring it but not acting on it either with create room for it to shift in its own time.

This might not always be on our set agenda of how the shift should happen but it no longer matters when the fear, the insecurities or the old hindering believes actually disappear because we have identified the external world to be an illusion that was based on our own thinking and feeling. Since we have become aware of them we have come up with different ways of acting and as a result the world is starting to responding differently to us. We have changed our reality and in this reality our old ideas no longer have any validity so there is no other option for them to leave. They vanish on their own accord without having been ignored, yelled at, resented or fought with.

As we are no longer bound to fear, negativity, judgement and anger we move a bit closer to the limitless freedom that is there for us to experience and to the love that resides deep down within us.

Namaste and keep on loving what you see in your mirror :)

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